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Barrett Dorko
06-05-2008, 01:55 PM
It’s been a quiet week in Cuyahoga Falls…

Often during 2006 I would lie awake at night knowing that it was likely he was leading a convoy down on a dusty road near Baquba, hunting for bombs. In my mind Alex was surrounded by hidden explosives, so I’d stay awake. He handled it by staying awake as well. Cautious, watchful and vigilant, he led hundreds of missions and no one got hurt.

Often in the turret above Alex was a gunner named Dix, a career enlisted man. The last time I saw my son he spoke of him; when he could, Dix would stand by his bunk, put on some earphones and dance; his eyes closed, moving his arms and shoulders in a way that conveyed his devotion to the music and his own solitude. He seldom spoke, and when he did, some wondered where he’d been recently.

Years ago I wrote of the concept of service as I’d come to understand it after decades of practice. I found myself nodding along when I read this by Rachel Remen (http://www.rachelremen.com/), "I am as served as the person I am serving. When I help I have a feeling of satisfaction, (but) when I serve I have a feeling of gratitude." I realized that while I was no one’s servant, somehow I had been called to service. This distinction explained a great deal about the dedicated and solitary nature of my career. When I’m around, others are improved and protected in some way, and when I offer this service, I am as well.

Alex is back in Iraq, and Dix was on his way there. But while still in Kuwait, separated from his old unit and, perhaps, no longer sensing the presence of those who had served him for so long, he died of wounds unrelated to combat. Alex was asked to say something at the ceremony and I wanted to put it here. I think you’ll see why.

Every day I saw him he would tell me that it was a good day to be in the Army. For him, I know that it always was... because SPC Dix lived every day as a Soldier. He spent the majority of his adult life in uniform, following orders. The Army is full of Soldiers who likely identify themselves by different roles before defining themselves as a Soldier: father, mother, husband; but I knew Dix as a man simply committed to a life in the military, receiving and carrying out orders. Dix struggled in the military, but that didn't mean that he did not belong. I never knew him to fail at a task for lack of trying and I never heard him utter a single complaint about his role in this Army. Dix was my gunner for a hundred combat missions in Iraq. I could depend on him to do the right thing without ever telling him twice. He would spend most of his time on the road sitting quietly in the turret, until he got the urge to speak. And when Dix spoke, his fellow Soldiers listened, mostly because you never knew what Dix might say. He loved to travel, and missed his days in the Marine Corps because of this. He talked about living in California, Korea and Virginia, but he always seemed to enjoy living where the Army told him to, because Dix felt content to want what he had. He loved music, and when he knew it was okay to retreat to his bunk and listen to his headphones, Dix readily did so. I'll remember him standing near his bunk, completely absorbed in the music that took him away from the rest of us and allowed him to escape, presumably to forget about everything and everyone else, and to just be his authentic self.

I remember when Dix went to the E5 board while we were living in FOB Warhorse. He passed, but not because his strengths were in his military knowledge. Simply, Dix possessed the pride that comes with being a Soldier, and I believe that he did not have much in his life of which to be more proud. In that board, Dix finished by spontaneously belting out the Army song and then marching out of the room. No one in the room was expecting him to do it and they were all completely surprised. Dix was always surprising us. And that day, he knew that he had accomplished something important and he felt a pride that could not be expressed in his usual modest, soft-spoken manner. So Dix just sang the Army song. And we loved him for it.

As our battalion assumes our mission, now without SPC Dix, I find myself being disappointed with small material inconveniences that no true Soldier should ever whine about. And I need to remind myself that Soldiers can't be the type of people who feel sorry for themselves. I know that Dix wouldn't have complained for a minute in our situation. As long as he had a place to stay, his music, and a job to do, Dix was okay. Today may be the last day that anyone ever recognizes Dix's service to his country and to his brothers in arms. He was a kind, gentle human being who readily sacrificed for this Army and its mission. I want to remind those of us who worked with him, that to know Dix was to know a Soldier in its purest sense. As leaders and as comrades, it is our job to take care of Soldiers like Dix. I know that it is easy to continually ask for more from them and often hard to recognize the fact that they ask nothing in return. Perhaps I should pause more often and feel (like I saw in Dix) the pride and satisfaction that comes with simply being a Soldier.

Jason Silvernail
06-05-2008, 07:21 PM
Barrett-
Thank you for this.

Barrett Dorko
07-05-2008, 12:47 AM
Jason,

You're welcome. I was looking for your opinion about this. Feel free to send it to some of your fellow soldiers.

For more about the concept of service as defined in the way Alex and I see it, look here (http://www.barrettdorko.com/articles/service.htm).

Diane
07-05-2008, 06:34 AM
Barrett, I think PT in Service (http://www.barrettdorko.com/articles/service.htm) will be my favorite essay of yours for a very long time.

Barrett Dorko
07-05-2008, 02:22 PM
Diane,

Thanks.

I recommended its reading to a therapist involved in some sort of pro-bono work at a convention some years ago but (no surprise) never heard from her again. I have the sense that those of us who toil in the trenches and resist calls to rise in the administration of large groups of therapists may be described as feeling this “call to service.” You and I both qualify, as do several others among the moderators on this site.

Barrett Dorko
08-05-2008, 02:52 AM
As usual, I’ve found a model in the movies to make my point. One outstanding example of a man “called to service” is played by Anthony Hopkins in the 1993 film The Remains of the Day (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Remains_of_the_Day_(film)).

Hopkins’ character, Stevens, plays a head butler who, though emotionally repressed to a crippling degree (not necessary for service), displays the care and attention common to the sort of being we might become.

I’d recommend the movie.

Jason Silvernail
08-05-2008, 07:56 AM
That's a great movie.
I have another movie example.
The movie Rounders (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0128442/) has a great scene about being called to serve.

The young protagonist is struggling in law school, he feels he's really destined to be a full time poker player as he has been in the past. Falling behind in his performance, he goes to a small restaurant to meet one of his most experienced professors. The professor tells him about growing up as a young boy in Israel. He says his parents recognized his intelligence from a young age, and pushed him toward being a rabbi - a highly respected profession for them and for their culture. Even in Rabbinical school, he says he would sneak off and study the law with a local judge or at the library. He talked of how his parents and he had many arguments about his path and that they felt being an attorney was beneath him and they would be ashamed if he were to end up studying the law. Eventually, he said he had it out with his parents, told him his decision, and left to come to the US to study law. The professor said his parents at that point had thrown him out and hadn't spoken to him since.
The young law student says - wasn't that a hard thing to do, and do you ever regret making that choice?
The professor says "what choice?"

I feel many people come to their occupations many ways, but being called to service is different. In that case you don't choose your profession, but it chooses you. It's difficult to explain sometimes, but that's certainly how I feel about both my careers - in medicine and in the military. I know many of us here feel the same way.

Barrett Dorko
08-05-2008, 08:40 PM
Jason,

A few years ago I went through a period where my poor colleagues had to listen to me recount this very scene from the movie. I happened to watch it just prior to attending a convention so I had plenty of opportunities to recount it, explain it, and use it to justify my eccentric path toward a kind of practice that was nearly mine alone in the world of sensible and defendable manual care. That’s not as true today, but I see no evidence that the situation has changed very much. I hadn’t foreseen my working in this way but felt, as the Martin Landau character does in Rounders, that I had been placed there without my really being offered an alternative. Externally this wasn’t true, but it was perfectly true internally, if you know what I mean.

Those of us “called” in this way often feel isolated and are often marginalized by those in the same field who cannot share our passion for the work. In fact, to them, there’s an effortlessness to our growth that they may resent. “How is it you find the time?” is something I’ve been asked repeatedly, and this is commonly accompanied by the questioner shaking their head as if to signal both wonder and a vague disapproval.

Maybe I’m just paranoid, but the silence that follows the introduction of the material I’ve been called to do makes me wonder if it isn’t justified.

Jason, you never shook your head.

Barrett Dorko
09-05-2008, 02:25 PM
Add the character Angus Hudson from Upstairs, Downstairs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Upstairs,_Downstairs) to the list of servants we might watch.

gerry
14-05-2008, 12:23 AM
Barrett,

I really appreciate you sharing this. Thank Alex for his words and his service, please.

gerry

Barrett Dorko
14-05-2008, 02:29 PM
Gerry,

I know that Alex follows this thread from his quarters in Kirkuk - so it's already done.