Hrutka

[Barrett Dorko]

It’s been a quiet week in Cuyahoga Falls…

Any impulse to solve mysteries could be seriously inimical to the spread of a mind virus. It would not, therefore, be surprising if the idea that ‘mysteries are better not solved’ was a favored member of a mutually supported gang of viruses.

Richard Dawkins

I find myself this morning wondering what the future may hold for me and my family. My son and his wife have decided that he will for the foreseeable future remain in the military. He returns to Iraq in a few weeks and will spend the next 15 months doing what he does so well. He thrives in that environment and, for the most part, people notice.

After that he’ll pursue more training and a Master’s degree while going where they tell him to go and his mother and sister and I will remain in Ohio.

I’m still rising very early each morning and driving long distances to work in an environment completely foreign to my sensibilities as a therapist. Some portion of each day is devoted to thinking about how I got here and figuring out how I can adapt. At times I succeed but I can feel the faint stirrings of despair at other times and wonder if they are mine or some sort of empathy for the deeply troubled patient in my hands. I see this in the eyes of certain colleagues at times as well. This frustration shows up here and there in various forms. It’s not pretty.

My sister Laurel wrote today. She’s making hrutka, a seasonal specialty from our father’s Slovak heritage. It tastes like cold, hard scrambled eggs. Despite that, I’d love some today. She also wrote of something she’s read recently of President Harry Truman’s devotion to the service and especially to the welfare of his men. Our mother, his biggest fan, would have pointed this out as well, and she would have been making hrutka for breakfast on this Easter morning.

I found my sister’s letter very comforting, but more than that it stirred something in me that has been missing lately. Exactly what that is remains a mystery as I write but I know I’ll try solving it when I return to work tomorrow; as I think about my family and my patients and my profession.

There’s a connection here somewhere, and I will not settle for it remaining a mystery.

[Barrett Dorko]

Hrutka recipes here (http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080323094511AAruNbe).

Now it's not a mystery either.

[smikolic]

Mr. Dorko,

I thought of your thread upon reflection on a problem of my own and after a bit of "Focusing" as Gendlin describes in his book that has helped me shed insight into what has been missing for me....

I woke up late this week. I knew then something had drastically changed because since I experienced "Unwinding" (late last Summer) I have had no trouble waking up (usually before my alarm goes off), no body pains beyond an occasional soreness that is easily relieved by movement or rest, and have felt generally very exited for each day and more than good overall (healthy...I'd say). I woke up late this day, though I was not sick or coming down with anything... I just didn't want to get up and go to work that day and I knew it. My mom pointed out that I am not as happy lately as I have been and I ignored her because I felt fine... Anyway, when I woke up late I knew something had to be done about it.

That night when I came home (in all over achey body stiffness without real cause) I layed there before I went to sleep and went through the steps involved in Focusing to get to the bottom of my despair. All sorts of words came to me as I asked and waited for what was the problem (part of the technique) and finally one fit, and I felt the change (the release).... for me the right fit was the words/phrase "Alone/isolated." That is the difference for me now. I had, previous to this clinical and since experiencing "unwinding" felt very much a part of something, like I belonged. That is the main reason I took a job with the company of my last clinical (I loved my co-workers, loved the patients/community, and felt like a actually belonged and was fully accepted there). Apparently it is very important for me to feel healthy and happy by having a sense of belonging and a sense that I am accepted where I am working. I need to feel some sense of "team" with my co-workers (even if we all play different positions in the game) and some sense that I am not isolated by others because how I think or practice, whether or not others feel/practice the same way I do.

I thought of you though today thinking on all this... that stirred feeling you described feeling reading your sister's letter... perhaps it reminds you of something you feel with your family or that your family brings out of you. I hope you can find it (what is missing)... I hate to think of a passionate therapist out there feeling any despair doing what they do. We have a beautiful job and should be able to feel really good doing it (wherever we are and whatever our role may be on the team of patient care providers). Perhaps it is simply an empathetical type of despair, but either way, I hope you are able to figure it out and keep up the great work out there.

Steph

I am sending my best to your son and his family too. I hope he is safe and happy and that your family finds comfort and peace despite any fears.